How to help a parent accept home care when they insist they’re fine
- florinadinsorean0
- May 3
- 3 min read
It can be heartbreaking—and frustrating—when you know your parent needs extra help but they refuse to accept it. Here are three proven ways to approach this delicate situation with understanding and success.
At Inna Care, we understand how challenging it can be when someone you love begins to struggle with daily tasks but resists the idea of receiving help. We’ve supported hundreds of families navigating these conversations, and we know it’s never just about practicalities. It’s about emotions, independence, and dignity.
If you’ve tried suggesting home care and the conversation has ended in frustration or silence, you’re not alone. Here’s how you can approach the discussion in a way that builds trust and opens the door to support—not conflict.
Understanding the Resistance
First, it’s important to recognise that almost everyone wants to stay independent for as long as possible. According to Age UK, over 85% of people aged 65+ say they want to remain in their own home. But while independence is important, change can feel threatening—especially when it signals a loss of control or ability.
Your parent might fear becoming a burden, losing their privacy, or even being treated like a child. Accepting home care can feel like admitting defeat or facing the reality of ageing. And for those who have spent decades taking care of others, allowing someone else to help may feel deeply uncomfortable.
“Inviting someone into your home to assist with personal tasks requires a huge emotional shift,” explains Sarah Jennings, a gerontology specialist. “It’s not just about getting help. It’s about redefining what independence looks like.”
Compassionate Ways to Start the Conversation
Instead of repeating the same conversation—and getting the same resistance—consider these fresh approaches:
Shift the Focus from Care to Support
Words matter. Phrases like “home care” or “home carer” can feel clinical or even threatening. Reframing the conversation can reduce fear and encourage collaboration.
Instead of:“You need a home carer to help you.”
Try:“I’ve found someone who can pop in and help with a few tasks, like shopping or cleaning, so you don’t have to worry about them. That way, you can focus on the things you enjoy.”
Emphasise how support can actually preserve independence rather than take it away.
Make It About Your Feelings, Not Their Limitations
Using “I” statements rather than “you” statements prevents the conversation from feeling like a criticism or intervention.
Instead of:“You can’t keep up with things anymore.”
Try:“I’ve been worrying because I’ve noticed how much is on your plate lately, and I’d feel so much better knowing you had a little extra help.”
This approach expresses love and concern, rather than implying your parent is incapable.
Offer Choices and Control
No one likes feeling forced into a decision. Involve your parent in the process to maintain their sense of control.
Instead of:“I’ve arranged for someone to start next week.”
Try:“Would you like to meet a few people and see who you feel comfortable with? We can also decide together which tasks they’ll help with.”
If resistance continues, suggest a trial period:“Let’s try it for a month and see how it feels. If it doesn’t work out, we can look at other options together.”
When Cognitive Changes Complicate the ConversationIf your parent has dementia or signs of cognitive decline, resistance might be even stronger—and harder to reason with. In these cases, consider involving a dementia care specialist or seeking advice from organisations like the Alzheimer’s Society or Dementia UK.
Experts can help tailor communication strategies and suggest ways to introduce care that feel safe and non-threatening for someone with memory or awareness challenges.
Don’t Forget: Family Members Need Support Too
It’s natural to feel guilt or sadness when your parent resists help. You may even feel like you’re letting them down by not managing everything yourself. But burnout is real—and trying to do it all can strain both your health and your relationship with your loved one.
Bringing in professional support doesn’t mean you care less. It means you care enough to ensure your parent gets the help they need—and you have the energy to enjoy quality time together.
Thinking About Home Care? Let’s Talk
If your family is considering home care and you’re not sure how to start the process, Inna Care is here to help. We’ll listen, understand your loved one’s needs, and suggest care options tailored to your family. Contact us today—we’ll get back to you within 24 hours.
Sound familiar? If your parent is resisting home care, you’re not alone. Many families face this challenge.
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